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Gold Rush (Minecraft episode)
Introduction "I blame Armando for this idea." out of car as quickly as he can Al: "I'll take that as a 'no.'" Armando randomly: "I like pie." Scene II The "prospectors" are seen riding bicycles towards a "gold-digging spot" (scenery improvised). All 3 of them get off their bikes once they reach their destination. "Armando" takes out a car alarm and clicks it to "lock" the bikes. Then, the alarm (actually that of a nearby car's) goes off. freaks out and panickingly clicks the alarm again stops Al back with shovel absentmindedly: "When are we gonna dig for gold?" Armando shrugs: "We could do it right now." picking nose Bob "Armando's" hand away from his nose: "Do that again and you're fired." away Armando follows "Bob": "No! You can't fire me! I have 3 kids! 3 kids!" Al both: "Armando, basketballs that you hide underneath your shirt do not ''count as 'kids.'" Scene III ''The "prospectors" are "digging" for gold. "Armando" is singing loudly and off-key (whatever song pops into his head). Armando: "Found any gold yet?" Bob: "Nope. The only things I've found are an old taco...a cell-phone that for some reason still works...and a random bottle of Fabreeze." Al Fabreeze from "Bob": "Hey, chicks dig guys who smell tidy, o.k.?" himself with Fabreeze; sticks tongue out at "Bob" sings even more annoyingly Al and Bob together: "Not now, Armando!" Armando singing: "You've got no music in your souls, dudes." Al: "Just figure out which direction we're supposed to go, o.k.?" Armando: "O.K." an iPhone--or regular phone or iPod Touch, whichever--out "To the right." to the right, walks in that direction Al: "Where'd you get that iPhone?" Armando: "My mom's closet. Why?" Al: "Just wondering." Scene IV Meanwhile, a "blind guy" (played by Waffle) is walking through a trail when he suddenly bumps into "Bob's" bike. Blind Guy: "AAAAAHHH!! SNAKE!!! GET IT OFF ME!!!! GET IT OFF!!!!!" "The Blind Guy" freaks out and starts whacking "Bob's" bike with a walking stick. To finish the job, he throws "Al's" bike on top of it. Then, he feels around for "the exit" and notices "Armando's" bike. Blind Guy: "Ooooh, a free bike!" "The Blind Guy" gets on the bike and rides away. Once he's ridden a reasonable distance, he "crashes" and "skinks" himself. Blind Guy whimpering: "Mother-flower! Oh, yowch that hurts. Icepack..." Scene V Mean-meanwhile, the 3 prospectors are following the "iPhone's" map app to the treasure. A group of "bandits" (played by Christopher Nolan, Dr. Seuss, Samuel Clemens, Danny Phantom, and Indiana) armed with squirt guns is watching them from behind some trees. #4" sneezes Armando: "Bless you." Bandit #4: "Thanks." face in hands stupidly "D'oh!" Bandits" squirt at "The Prospectors" Bob and flailing arms wildly: "Let's get out of here!" "The Prospectors" run away in terror, with "Al" screaming like a girl. Scene VI "The Prospectors" are still running and screaming. They come to a stop as soon as they get to the place where their wrecked bikes are. "Armando" points at the bikes and screams even more. He runs to the camera and screams, then "faints." '' Al: "So, now what do we do? We can't get the treasure with those bandits on our tail." Bob: "Yes, we can. Besides, ''I have no tail." off with arms folded and nose in the air Al "Bob" a little madly: "I'm gonna whoop your tail if you keep on being so dang literal." 1 moment later, "Armando" wakes up, looks around, and finds that his friends are gone. Armando: "Where did everyone go? Hello? Am I dead? Hello? Anybody?" Scene VII "The Prospectors" are seen walking towards a creek with shovels in their hands. Bob: "Alright, let's get diggin'." Armando: "Do you mean 'dig' as in 'dig a hole,' or 'dig' as in..." sunglasses on, does hip-hop pose with arms folded across chest Bob at "Armando" in disapproval: "Just start digging." And so, "The Prospectors" dig, and "dig," and "dig," and "dig," and "dig," until finally... Al: "I found it!" metal treasure chest up sings "hallelujah" over and over again and "Bob" look at "Armando" awkwardly Armando singing: "Sorry." Suddenly, "The Bandits" show up, surround "The Prospectors," and aim their squirt guns at them. Bob muttering: "Anyone asks, this was all Al's fault." Al: "Gotcha. Wait, what?" Armando: "Don't worry, guys; I've got this." "Bandit #1;" speaks a bunch of random gibberish #4" and "#5" look at each other Bandit #1 cell-phone: "This is taking too long; I've already missed the first 15 minutes of The Ridiculousness. Let's get them!" Bandits" cheer and start chasing "The Prospectors" Scene VIII "The Prospectors" are hiding behind a big tree near the creek. Al: "We've gotta do something, guys. I have the feeling that the screenwriter's running out of ideas." Bob: "O.K. As long as it's not something dumb or cheesy, like Armando's singing." Armando: "Singing? O.K.!" towards "The Bandits" Bob: "No, I--" face in hands "We're doomed." Al: "I want my mommy." Meanwhile, "The Bandits" encircle "Armando." Just when it seems to be the end, "Armando" starts singing in a loud, ear-shattering note, which causes "Bandit #3" to faint. "Bandit #2" proves to be unable to stand "Armando's" terrible "singing." Holding his hands over his ears in a useless attempt to block out the noises, he runs across the creek, turns left, and runs out of sight, screaming all the while. "Bandit #4," with a "weirded-out" look on his face, starts walking "offstage" to the right, twitching all the while. "Bandit #5" runs to the street, yelling for a taxi. Bandit #1 right up to the camera: "That's it. I quit. I'm tired of being involved in piece-of-junk movies like this." camera, walks away A passerby (played by Senor Campbell) comes, positions the camera upright, and stands directly in view of the lens. Passerby waving: "Hi, Mom!" Scene IX 5 months later... "Bob" is relaxing on a piece of furniture in the bedroom of a "mansion" with sunglasses on. Bob: "John!" "John," the butler (played by Indiana) comes into the room. John: "You called, sir?" Bob: "Get my paycheck from the director. And check the reviews on Rotten Tomatoes." John: "Right away, sir." the room Just then, "Al" comes in the room wearing a fancy robe. Al: "You'll never guess what, Bob. They have a hot-tub so big that it takes up a whole room! And it comes with snazzy robes!" Bob: "Neat." Then, "Armando" comes running into the room holding a bar of soap in each hand. Armando: "Guys, this mansion is so big that I got lost trying to find the closet! In fact, I'm still lost. Where the Heck am I? Anyway, there are free mints in the bathroom!" up bars of soap, smiles Al and Bob together: "That's soap, Armando." "The Blind Guy" walks quietly into the room. Blind Guy: "Am I at the credits yet?" Bob up, takes sunglasses off: "Who the--''would you get out of here!?" Blind Guy for the exit: "Sorry, Mr. What's-Your-Buckets, but the movie's already over. End-tag's on the closet door, as a matter of fact." moves around to face the closet door, where an end-tag has indeed been posted Bob: "AW! DANG IT!" Al: "Stupid movie in-jokes!" Credits Casted, directed, and written by: Tanner Schnabel (The guy responsible for this movie's corny jokes...isn't with us anymore)* Produced by: Michael Peck, George Lucas* Videographer: same guy who produced it NOTE: IF YOU CALL THIS FILM'S HUMOR "CUTE," THEN YOUR TICKETS ARE OFFICIALLY FREE. WE DON'T WANT TO HAVE ANY MONEY THAT ''YOU TOUCHED. Executive producers: Colton Simkins, Abe Nickel, Chris Hill I This film is a work-of-fiction. Any similar, real-life incidents involving 3 crazy special guys hunting for treasure while being chased by a group of bandits and pestered by a deluded, blind guy is a mere indication that you need to lay off the cocaine. Rated PG for "bad acting, corniness, and, apparently, being on the rating system's bad side." Cast: Colton Davis as John, Bandit #5 Jesus as Bandit #2 Spencer Schroath as Bob Billy Valadez as Armando Lone Star as Al Tanner Schnabel as The Blind Guy Kyle Campbell as The Passerby Chris Hill II as Bandit #1 Sammy Valadez as Bandit #3 Daniel as Bandit #4 Copyright January 2013 by Peck Productions. Copying without permission is strictly prohibited. Besides, why would you want to copy off of US? We can barely pass 1 scene without cracking a corny joke, for crying out loud! The fourth wall is practically IN RUINS now... Morales of the story (pick one): 1. Movies should NOT be written by self-styled "crazy" guys who'll do anything for a laugh 2. It's impolite to chase people with squirt guns 3. Never continue writing films if you're running out of ideas 4. Don't be "dippy" like Armando is 5. Don't ride bicycles if you're blind 6. Never use the same jokes over and over again 7. This movie is probably not going to have a sequel 8. Teasing yourself is fun 9. When writing the script for a film, make sure to meet "deadlines" or else your mom will kick your butt, VERBALLY and maybe even PHYSICALLY. Category:Plays